It may not be the best day to write about this topic, considering that is Mother’s Day, a day to be rejoiced and celebrated for being a mom, but it is also an important to acknowledge the underlying emotions that mothers face everyday.
Mom guilt refers to the feelings of inadequacy, self-doubt, and guilt that many mothers experience in relation to their parenting decisions and actions. It is that inner voice that does not let us feel fulfilled, despite having a round-the-clock busy day, trying to manage work pressure, household duties, relationships and all the other things that we do. Many mothers feel guilty for various reasons, such as not spending enough time with their children, not being able to meet societal standards of the “perfect” mother, or prioritizing their own needs and well-being.
Why do we feel that we deserve some time for ourselves only after our child’s needs are met, the dog is fed, the chores are taken care of? Why do we feel guilty and Where does this guilt come from?
Is it the unrealistic expectations placed on mothers by society, or is it our own internal standards and values? Is this mindset reinforced by cultural norms and media portrayals, praising women who are self-sacrificing, putting their own needs last Or are these “values” handed down from one mother to another through generations of socialization and cultural conditioning? These beliefs and behaviors can become deeply ingrained, and play a significant role in shaping our understanding and expectations of motherhood.
And what’s wrong with that, one might ask? Isn’t it good that I am thinking about my family first?
There is nothing inherently wrong with caring for your family and prioritizing their needs. Taking care of your loved ones is a natural and important aspect of being a parent and a family member.
However, the issue arises when self-care and prioritizing your own needs are neglected or seen as less important. When mothers consistently put others’ needs above their own without taking time to recharge and care for themselves, it can lead to burnout, exhaustion, and a decline in overall well-being.
Prioritizing self-care is not about neglecting or abandoning your family; it’s about recognizing that your own well-being is essential for your ability to care for others effectively. When you take care of yourself, you are better equipped to meet the needs of your family with patience, energy, and a positive mindset.
In fact you will be doing your children a favour by modeling self-care which is beneficial for their own development. By demonstrating healthy boundaries, self-compassion, and the importance of looking after yourself, you are teaching them valuable life skills and providing them with a positive example to follow. Children learn through observation, and seeing their parents prioritize their own well-being teaches them the importance of self-care and helps them develop a healthy sense of self.
It’s about finding a balance that allows you to meet the needs of your family while also nourishing your own physical, emotional, and mental well-being. It’s not an either/or situation but rather a recognition that both are important and interconnected.
So how can you breakthrough these centuries of belief and practice, prioritize self-care and establish boundaries while still being a present and attentive mother?
It’s Mother’s Day today. Here are some ways you can begin this transformative journey –
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Understand and Shift your mindset: No change is possible without awareness. Start small, understand how you feel in your mind and body every time you are expected to put others first. Next, cultivate a mindset that acknowledges the importance of your own well-being. Understand that prioritizing self-care is not selfish but necessary for your overall health and ability to care for your family. Remind yourself that taking care of yourself is a positive and responsible choice.
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Redefine success as a mother: Expand your definition of success as a mother beyond solely meeting the needs of others. Recognize that being a present and attentive mother includes taking care of your own needs. Embrace the idea that being a good mother involves modeling self-care, setting boundaries, and maintaining your own well-being.
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Communicate your needs: Openly talking about your needs with your partner, family members, and support network. Clearly express what you require to prioritize self-care. Seek understanding, cooperation, and support from those around you.
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Delegate and share responsibilities: Involve your partner, family members, or trusted caregivers in sharing the responsibilities of parenting and household tasks. Delegate tasks and allow others to help you lighten the load. Remember that you don’t have to do everything alone and that seeking support is a sign of strength, not weakness.
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Schedule and prioritize self-care: Make self-care a non-negotiable part of your routine. Have it on your TO-DO list! Schedule dedicated time for self-care activities and treat them as important commitments. Whether it’s engaging in hobbies, exercising, practicing mindfulness, or simply having alone time, prioritize these activities as essential for your well-being.
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Set boundaries: Establish clear boundaries around your time, energy, and personal space. Communicate and enforce these boundaries with your loved ones. Say no to additional commitments or obligations when you feel overwhelmed. Protect your personal time and create space for self-reflection, relaxation, and rejuvenation.
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Seek support and community: Connect with other like-minded mothers who prioritize self-care and establish boundaries. Join parenting groups, seek out online communities, or attend support groups where you can share experiences, gain insights, and receive encouragement.
Remember that breaking through centuries of belief and practice takes time and effort. Be patient and gentle with yourself as you navigate this process. Each step you take towards prioritizing self-care and establishing boundaries, not only helps to reduce mom guilt but moves you ahead towards creating a healthier and more sustainable foundation for yourself and your family.
Happy Mother’s Day!
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