“Finally!” I sighed and put my pen down. It had taken me three full weeks to research, plan and finalise the activities for my children to do this summer. It sounds easy but isn’t so. I had to find a perfect combination of their interests, abilities, their needs and the classes offered. Take into consideration feedback about the classes from other moms, their location, the timings. My aim was to provide a good balance giving ample outlets for their youthful energy while also challenging them to step outside their comfort zones. That done, the forms were filled, cheques were mailed out and confirmations received. We were set……or so I thought.
Two days into the ‘Activity week’ and “Why do we have to go for creative writing everyday?” That was my younger son moaning, just out of bed. I stopped what I was doing. I take these statements very seriously. Now my son loves writing his own “books.” He takes some A4 sheets from our printer, makes me bind them together and spends a good amount of time setting his creative juices flowing into a fictional write up that he proudly shows off to everyone. Wouldn’t a course on creative writing guide him on writing good grammar, focus on spellings and punctuation, help him produce a better quality and what’s more – a real book, as they even publish the books at the end of the week? But no, he wasn’t happy.
As I stood lost in thought, my 11-year-old son caught my attention, all dressed in his football kit finery. Thankfully he does like his football class except when they make them do a lot of drills, which ‘gets boring‘ or tiring, or when he loses a match, or when the “referee isn’t fair.” Then it becomes “I don’t like this football coach/class?” And again, I take it seriously. Sometimes, I wonder why today’s kids seem perpetually dissatisfied with life. And secondly why do I have to take my job so seriously?
Today’s generation, at least in this part of the world, doesn’t have half the pressure of school as we did in our times. Everything is about fun and play. Maths is fun, so is English and the rest of the subjects are non-existent as they study the IB way, where learning is centred around units of inquiry. So instead of copying copious notes from the board or listening to the monotonous drone of the teacher like we did, they get to think, research, analyse and form their own opinions. Sounds good but aren’t we empowering them too much, too soon? After school instead of the endless homework and preparation for exams like we did, they get to go for after-school activities. Sports, music, art – they have a plethora of choices as eager parents sign them up even before the term begins to ensure they get a seat. Everyone wants their child to be a super star in his own right and don’t think twice before spending their precious resources or time in doing so. And what do we get at the end of day? “I don’t want to do it. It’s so boring!” Really?
One might say that they would like to rest and relax after a hard day at school. They would like to do their own thing. Sure I say! Read a book, play a board game, get your Lego set out, but no. It’s only technology that seems to smooth their frazzled nerves, bring peace to their tired bodies as their fingers are itching to touch the I-pad or fiddle with the Xbox controller! Refuse these and watch them have a Mortal Kombat fight with each other with pushes, punches and good hard kicks, till I am ready to pull my hair out or put the plug in for that PS3 game! Since when did parenting get so difficult?
No wonder after-school activities are getting so popular! I used to laugh at mums pushing their kids to do after-school activities. There was no difference between weekdays and weekends with the kids running around blindly from one activity to another. Now I’ve been bitten by the ‘activity bug!’ It’s an annoying bug that keeps buzzing behind my ear, asking me to do things that others are doing, challenging me, asking me if my children are as smart as others, as capable as others and as competitive as others. Somebody’s kids are doing intensive piano lessons, some kids are doing ‘tennis for fun’ for whole three weeks and to beat it all some children are are sitting in China doing a Mandarin immersion program for all 6 weeks of their summer! Now tell me, do my kids stand a chance against these brilliantly coached kids who would be facing them one day either in a struggle for places at University or vying for that coveted position in a Corporate office where dual language is a must? Wouldn’t my kids then wish that their mother should’ve equipped them more, sent them for more classes to hone their skills while they still had the time and resources? Am I doing enough for them as a mum?
I remember summer holidays just a few years ago when I would make a list of fun things to do in the city, merrily ticking off each one as we explored museums, parks, beaches, take ferry rides, go for trail walks, bicycling, scooting just for fun. They would happily trail behind me, ice cream in hand, excited about the bus ride that they were about to take! Was life so simple just a few years ago or was this stage just inevitable, waiting to happen at the ‘right’ time!
Sitting here in this coffee shop, I am waiting for them to finish their drama class so that I can take them home and drag them for their swim class after that, lunch meant to be eaten on the bus. It may sound cruel and honestly I am not a big fan of sending kids for activities specially during the holidays when they do need a change from routine. But if it’s activities vs technology, activities vs sibling fights, activities vs lethargy, then activities it is!
But what one tends to overlook and maybe need to draw a line at is deciding how many activities are too many? While it’s nice to keep the kids busy it is equally important to give them time to play, experiment and rest by ‘not overdoing’ it. If by the middle of the week they are still not liking drama that means that they really don’t like to put up an act or standing out on stage. If after doing piano lessons for a year if they are still complaining about having to practice that means that they just do not have a ear for music and are not going to give those recitals that you dreamt of one fine day! Each child is different and every parent must be ready to understand that and find his/her true passion and equip them with the ability to do it. Observe, talk and use your instinct to find out what works and what doesn’t. Sometimes changing a class or teacher helps, sometimes giving up that activity is the best decision.
I think we’ve struck a good balance this summer. We started with three weeks of holidaying in Canada, followed by a week of quality time with visiting grandparents. Then, we had two weeks of structured activities like football and swimming. Now, we’re entering the final week of the holiday, and I’m embracing the freedom to do as little or as much as we like. I’m prepared to head out to the playground or go bicycling at a moment’s notice, just as I am to settle into my armchair at home with a good book. I’m handing over the reins to my kids, letting them take charge of planning this last week – fingers crossed they’ll work together amicably! And yes, I’ll continue to take my role as a mother very seriously, no question about that!
Ah, motherhood! Those diaper-changing days seem like a breeze in comparison, don’t they?
Hi Mehroo. This is exactly how I feel. But u know I am starting to feel that kids these days have so many options and so much done for them that somewhere they don’t realise the value of those things and even if they have what they like they still find something to complain about. Its down to basic human nature I guess but I am changing a few things at my end to make them realise the value of what all they have been lucky to just be born with. And I am also starting to realise that the way kids are brought up these days is just more advanced and demanding (time and money) so we have to keep up with it (In a way we have brought them up in a different way from our parents so we are equipped to keep it up). It is difficult to do that when one wants to do it without putting too much pressure on them but then our parents also had similar challenge (according to those times). I remember my parents (like any parents) wanted me to do well at school but I never felt any pressure if I didn’t get the expected grade. So I feel parenting is still the same and can be simple if one follows that balanced approach you talked about. And well done for doing your job seriously! :)
Hey Reena, thanks for giving your feedback. It really helps to know what another parent thinks and you are right about the parenting challenges being the same over the years, it’s just the methodology and environment which is so different and that our parents would have also faced in their times too. Another thing I’ve noticed is the importance of having a good teacher or coach. For no matter how much your child would love a sport or music, it is directly correlational to the training or inputs that he gets from the teacher. Would love to hear how these things work in Australia, So do keep us posted. Am glad you are back to reading my blog regularly so pls. Do keep it up!
Very well written Mehroo! So relevant and so true for our times!
Hey, thanks Swati. Yes it’s true and while we all struggle to find the best route and method, it would certainly help sharing experiences, so our coffee is well due :))